Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Lacking Apparent Simplicity

I don't have that particular sophistication that allows me to express me to everyone else. Which is unfortunate because I would like to do so. I grow instantly reserved when asked about my thoughts or opinions...unless I already feel strongly about the subject. I will rant on the ills of the world, the post-colonial psyche, the place of the West Indian as a part of the Diaspora and yet, I don't have a place and my psyche isn't worth exploring.

I feel like a traveller with a wandering mind and restless soul. I am generally too sensitive; remembering the daily news keeps me awake at night. I'm a nurturer, a supporter and a cheerleader and it is so very hard to find people who are the same. Though, if I really think about it, I could easily see that I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I had some cheer leading nurturers. I'd probably feel stifled. Unfortunately.

I've been called an "old soul" for as long as I can remember. My grandmother started it when she commented that I seemed to know too much for my 3 years. I talked to myself and I still do. I kept my own counsel then, I still do to a large extent now. I saw things that no one else saw; now I just see through people. I was an odd child. My mother and sisters would probably still say I'm an odd child.

I love dreaming.

I'm no wallflower though; just passionately reserved and watchful. I check everything out, I check people out, I sit back, observe and my 'feeling' about a thing usually forms itself.

What am I trying to say? I'm not quite sure to be honest.


Nana said...

That was very nicely written. I'm used to seeing your drawing, & I am very impressed you're a good writer as well! When I was a child, my uncle called me 'Bombelek' it means Bumble bee in Polish. I was small, round & always fluttering from people to people, like the bumble bee travels from flower to flower, collecting pollen. Today, I am much the same, except I'm a collector of anecdotes & others's experiences. I believe I've become more reserved over the years, & that comes from growth. I know what to share with people, what not to divulge until they've earned my trust. This came from trusting too eagerly & falling on my butt!!! I've been told I was an old soul too, I think that's one of the most beautiful compliments one may receive. I just wanted to tell you that your little blog has a lot of positive vibe. When I visit your page, I feel your passion for life through your drawings & now your writing ;) you should check out Tangerine's blog at, She reminds me of you. she's one of my best blogger friends, she's really something else.

Anonymous said...

When I was a child, I was just called "weird". I had no special pet name for it or anything like that. I know how you feel though. . . half the time I don't really know how to go about expressing myself, either--it just happens.

By the way, I posted an art critique about some of your drawings. You should come over to my site and check it out.

Retromus-ik said...

I feel as you do on some of these levels. I'm reserved to most, I observe and my mind travels. I just wish my body would travel as much;) Next summer, I'm planning on going to Africa, and soaking up the different cultures,experiences and sights, and writing about it all! I see myself walking alone, and observing nature. My first stop would be Cameroon! I have to go back to my roots. This post made me daydream a lil' ;). Great write!