We sat up at 3 am and I painted. Knowing something was wrong, helpless to stop it, ignoring what hurt. By 10am my doctor offered us his condolences; nothing could have changed the outcome -- exactly a week after I found out by chance, we'd lost our baby at 6 weeks.
I'm smiling a bit now though...hope's blossoming, I've made my peace, let go of being angry and decided that I have the best things in life; two amazingly supportive families, a being I shared this creation and everything else with, health, a small and awesome group of friends whose reactions taught me that I didn't need to feel so weird about something so natural and that we really had grown-up. (I couldn't call myself a girl anymore and I wrangled with why I felt a little odd when someone called me a woman. I talked to Drena S. and Tanya C. about this - our generation isn't "growing up" nearly as quickly as the one before.)
I find peace in knowing that the scary things are the ones that need to be embraced and confronted otherwise, we miss out on the best living has to offer. I have no regrets but the obvious -- just looking forward to life.
Friday, 25 April 2008
I think she's me. She's a clear indication of the emotions I felt, thoughts my mind birthed and the hope that rushed through my being. That's not to mention the fear, the panic and the eventual sadness.